The Story

I got really good at becoming who the room needed.

My whole life, all I wanted was to fit in and be loved.

I learned early that the easiest way to belong somewhere was to become whoever that place needed me to be. Smart enough for this room. Agreeable enough for that one. Small enough here. Bigger there.

I got so good at it, I didn’t even notice I was doing it anymore.

The problem with being a shapeshifter is that eventually you have to come home to yourself. And I kept arriving at a door I didn’t recognize.

Getting diagnosed with AuDHD at 43 explained so much of this. Masking — learning to perform neurotypicality so convincingly that even I believed it — had been my survival strategy since childhood.

Shapeshifter is the song I wrote about that unraveling.

It is not an accusation of anyone else. Everyone I shifted for was just living their life. This is about the cost I paid quietly, and the moment I finally asked: which version of me is actually me?

Somewhere along the way, I got really good
at becoming who the room needed.

Eventually, I wasn’t sure which version
was actually me.